(via herdirtylittleheart)
Saying goodbye to my best friend the way he’d have liked. Gathered around the old table, drinking old crow and remembering him, happy stories making the room erupt with laughter and sad stories, leaving me clutching the arms of his close friends and sobbing. I guess this is what it feels like to grieve. Well it’s awful, beautiful and awful. I don’t know how to live the rest of my life without him to talk to.
I will never forget you, Robert Hawkins.
June 5th 1983 - April 3rd 2017
Logged into an old profile of mine…. and I am immediately hit with nostalgia. The feeling is so fucking strong, it’s like i’m sitting on my crappy computer chair with my big clunky desktop computer again. with tiny and itty bitty running around. My mom is gone visiting her friend, and I’m on a solid diet of mountain dew and frozen burritos. I’m typing away on yahoo messenger, it’s snowing outside, and I am blissful and lonely. God, I miss that… I just want to go back to that feeling, and I want to wrap myself in it.
Take me back to that state, to that season, to that house, to that loft, to that chair, to that sentence that I’m typing with the biggest grin.
Fuck.
When I met you, I saw the future of the future and what to do.
Heather, I’m going to visit you in Kentucky sometime, I promise. :) Because I miss moments like this so fucking much.
Liesss. :(
“I know you’re in my bed and although my hands are cold, my face is hot and i light another cigarette even though i know better, i love the sounds i hear from way over there, miles and miles and just a few steps away to a place so warm and welcome and just to buy more time i sit here and decide to write the right things to make you appreciate my inevitable return to that place where i know i am so welcome,and i find so much more in places i’ve looked a million times the lights were on and i saw so much you never tried to hide and i heard u laugh from those thousands of miles away and something swelled and almost burst, i cant believe i have something so pure and so strong and so weak and so rare and i love you so much i cant find words to show you how broken i’d become for the bandages that cover my cracks you applied with a hug..i’ll be right there.”